…and then I sit down at the keyboard….
… and it seems that most often one of two things happens: 1) all the ideas and thoughts and strings of thoughts and concepts and ideas and tangents and carefully mentally-pre-written essays and whatever else all rush the "door," each proclaiming its need, desire, right to get out first; thereby jamming things up at the threshold so nothing can get out. Or 2) they all scurry away from the door and into the shadows or the depths. Sometimes they proclaim that they really weren't ready, that I should think about them some more. Sometimes they just vanish without a word and I'm left standing there with their coat, muttering that I thought I had an idea I wanted to express, if only I could just remember what it was….
Then there are those times when I get lost while worrying about the detail, about communicating every smidgen of "backstory" and tangent and related thought. Getting it just right so I'll be understood. Can't get into that "poet" state of mind—compress the hell out of it and let 'em figure it out as they will. I seem to be more comfortable with that in my photography … um … er … maybe. Except there I'm not getting it done either—I can't seem to just throw the raw scans up there, or even allow myself to make do minimal processing. All these interesting (if not actually great) photos from Laura Jean's birthday party and Confusion and before that just sitting there waiting for me to, er, "make them perfect" before I can put them out there for people to enjoy….
And, of course, when I manage to write something—this, for example—I can't just write it and send it off. Oh, no. I have to reread it and change it here and tweak it there and fix this and clarify that so that even this little bit of writing takes forever to leave the process and get into the flow.
Lately I've been readin', readin', readin'. Non-fiction. History, biogra-history, philosophy, religion. Taking in all this information. Having dialogues with myself and with the author(s) as I read. Having grand (and small) thoughts along the way I want to share with people. Example: am in the middle of Follow the Music: The Life and High Times of Elektra Records in the Great Years of American Pop Culture, by Jac Holzman and Gavan Daws. A phenomenally interesting book (I recommend it), which is constantly engendering thoughts about, oh, what I know about Koerner, Ray & Glover or the Doors concert I was at or my surprise at just how many of a wide range of Elektra and Nonesuch releases I recognize and own and bought pretty much at the time and how (ultimately) formative so many of them were to my musical tastes and sensibilities. I almost want to figure out how to write substantive personal annotations to the book.
Inspiration without follow-through. I guess that's just me all over…